Thirties Is The New Twenties

Thirties is the new twenties. Or so they said. I've always brush it off as the sort of patronising quote one uses to comfort themselves as they add another candle on the birthday cake. I'm turning 29 in July -- at the exact cross road of the roaring twenties and the fabulous thirties. One last year in the twenties, and one more year to the thirties. I admit I haven't quite accepted the fact that soon I'll be checking a different box for age range when filling application forms.

Being 29 and looking back at the last decade, I'm excited about entering the big 3-0! I am, I promise you. Here's why.

Beauty
There is life beyond the aesthetic side of life, you learnt.
Yes, there is little I can do to change my appearance now. I can't blame my wobbly arms on baby fats anymore. Neither do I want to eat only an apple all day just to lose just another pound so I can look thinner on prom night. At 29, my metabolism is slowing down. That's a fact. I've learnt to be comfortable in my own skin.

Wear Your Style
After more than a decade of trial-and-error, I know better how to wear my makeup to enhance my best features, and learn the kind of clothes that should never make it my wardrobe ever again.

Trends
No more following fashion trends blindly, just because Vogue or Lagerfeld commands so. I have no time or interest in being like everyone else on the street, wearing the latest feathers or brightest sequins. I know what works for my body, and what doesn't. Stay updated to trends, but also only pick up trends to adapt.

Fitting In
Goodbye please-let-me-fit-in. Your confidence is no longer based on how accepted you are by others.You are not afraid of not fitting in. You have three decades of life experience that teaches you that fitting in is nothing desirable.

No
You learn to say no to things that you don't agree on / bad for you / you don't want.

Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is childish and overrated. We've finally understood it and quit playing the game. Feel like curling up with a good read on a Saturday night instead of hitting the club with your partying mates? Buying one less It-bag than your bestie because you are saving that money to start an entrepreneurial business? You no longer feel guilty for not succumbing to what others would do.

Yummy or Mummy?
Partying on a Saturday night in that yummy short dress? Or dressing up your toddler and taking her for a play date alongside other mommies and their kids? You have the option. And either side of the decision is fun.

Discipline
I don't need horrible pictures of charred lungs on cigarette boxes to teach me smoking is bad for health. I love good fun but horrible binge drinking nights are days of the past. I have the discipline to do the best for my body, mind and soul. And I make the decision to be discipline.

Finer Taste
I appreciate the finer things in life more. Not to be showy to others, but simply celebrating life in grandeur. Be it owning a limited edition handmade watch, decking the apartment with designer furnitures, or purchasing collectible art pieces, only you know the true value of these indulgence. Finer taste in life is priceless, not learnt but earned through life experience.

Money
The days of climbing the corporate ladder in cheap shoes are over. A stable career established over the years of 20-something rewards us with holiday trips, regular spas and even exclusive jewellery pieces. Enjoy the disposable income now, before starting a family. Your little treats in life will then be channelled into the baby funds.

Relationships
Because you have failed at some relationships, you have also learnt much. You know what you want in a relationship, and what you would not tolerate. You may find that special someone soon. But you are also totally comfortable remaining status quo. The most important thing is, no more "trying too hard".

Friends
We stop "collecting friendships". We keep the precious few who never turn their back on us, who always understand us, who never fails to make time and effort for us. By the time you enter the third decade of your life, you would have already sieve out these inner circle friends.

Time
You still have time. For what? For everything!
To learn to drive, to bungee jump, to make a baby, to wear a bikini, to be a better daughter, to be reckless, to have faith, to relocate permanently, to date younger men, to dress like a 20s, 30s or even 40s, to inspire, to dance in the rain, to be sophisticated, to leave a legacy, to start a new career, to do ordinary things in extraordinary ways, to be fabulous, to believe in the impossibles! You are in the best years of your life! You have collected a lifetime of experience thus far, you have much to contribute in future. You are in the best period of life!

Thirties is the new twenties. I'm celebrating life.

45 Life Lessons

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Four Fabulous Years

I know, I know. I haven't been blogging in a long while and I oughtta have a fabulous entry to make up for the the break. But I've just been swamped with... life! And today actually marks the 4th year anniversary since I arrived and lived my life as an expatriate overseas! 4 good years since I flew away from the safe harbour of home. 1461 Arabian nights spent in this foreign land I now call home. The best years of my life too. I will always treasure these days more than any others in my life!

How did I dare leave home for a foreign job, foreign land, foreign lifestyle at a young, brash age of 24? (Yes, you calculated correctly. That'll make me 28 now.) How did I know the world outside was not too tough for my soul and spirit? How did I decide that my appetite for Life is bigger than my fear of being trapped in the pseudo-perfect safe haven back home? I did not know. I did not know that the world could break my spirit; but I'll survive. I did not know my brash decision to leave my home country would teach me this much, enrich my life this much. I did not know many things as a young, fresh-from-university, over-protected, pampered girl from a land far away from this one now. But I leaped. I just decided to take the leap of faith, and went ahead.

It is a decision I will never regret. I've seen many folks come and go in this place -- some endured, some didn't. I've learnt what it takes to survive overseas: tough spirit, open mind, love for life and joy at work. Life, especially life away from home can be harsh. So if life throws me lemons, just made lemonade! Toughen up, and keep moving on! That's how I survive, learn, and grow up over these years.

I would enjoy spending another 4 years in this temporary home. I would even miss watching the progress of this land as its most historical moments are yet to unfold. I love my life and friends made along the way here. After travelling 5 continents, collecting uncountable stamps in my passport, sleeping in the 5-stars hotels in 3rd world countries, but also experiencing 3rd world foolishness in 1st world countries, a hard disk full of pictures of the old and new Wonders of The World, right now the time is right for me to go home. I feel it, I know it.

It has been a good run.

Cheers!

Cougarism

There I said it.

Indeed, cougarism is the word these days. Older women with younger men, there's just a shady excitement to it like eating a forbidden fruit, an unspoken naughtiness that such combination exudes, an illicit discovery we crave to learn more about!

Yes, Demi Moore has done it. So has Madonna. And Mariah Carey. And Jennifer Aniston, and Drew Barrymore, and Kim Cattrall, Cher, Elizabeth Taylor, etc. Cougar is an urban term given to a woman who pursues much younger men. Wikipedia goes as far as specifying a cougar as a woman who sexually pursues men who are at least eight years her junior. Wow, strong words. But what used to be a social taboo and since been glorified by Hollywood -- well then again, doesn't everything get popularised this way these days? Yesteryear's restrains have since turned into victorious conquests and for some women! Hallelujah!

I definitely see this cougar trend growing among my friends. There's always a certain inner-circle cheeky smile that lights up their faces when I get them to talk about their relationship with their younger men. It's hard to pinpoint what it really is but it's like they know something we don't. As if one has to be initiated into the Cougar Club before she can learn the secret thrill of such relationship. It's intriguing, it's alluring, it's tempestuous! Here are a few things they've shared about their cougar relationship.

1) Eager to please
Younger men are eager to please their older girlfriends. They show more attention to the women. Whatever the younger men lack in financial sense, they make up for it by showering the women with special sweet surprises and aplenty attention to their every detail in life. I have to agree with this because older men then to believe they can buy their way into the women's world. And that whatever we need, they can satisfy by buying for us. Well, sometimes what women really need is just attention. Undivided attention from their all-so-important career, or golf/poker nights/beers. With younger men, their older girlfriends are always their priority in life. And most of the time, that's all a girl needs.

2) More respectful
Like shadow that comes with light, older men have inflated egos that comes their age and knowledge. With younger men, they acknowledge that their older girlfriends may be more worldly and thus tend to be more respectful to their opinions, ideas and perspectives. Younger men look up to older women, and shower them with the respect they deserve! For women, it's tiring, not to mention boring, dealing with older pompous men all the time. R.E.S.P.E.C.T, guys. You'll win if you can do that more.

3) Younger, Hotter, please
Like this t-shirt that says "Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway." That's right! Like men who always prefer younger, hotter girls, women also prefer young hot bods over saggy belly and balding head too. Younger men dresses well, put in effort with their hair, hygiene, skincare, lifestyle, etc. Older men unfortunately mistakenly think that tough and rough is sexy. And that unshaven and unkempt reveals their manliness. I'm just gonna say it once: NO, IT IS NOT. Gimme a metrosexual guy, I'll show you what is sexy.

4) I already have a father
I don't need another father figure in my life, thankyouverymuch. There is a difference between feeling secure with a man and feeling paternal with a man. We are confident, accomplished women who knows what we want in life. We don't need our older boyfriends to judge us, set rules for our lives, or restrict my lifestyle. Pussycat Dolls's song Hush Hush says it well:

I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs

I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spend
I never ask for help
I take care of myself

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say

Why is that that only older men judge their girlfriends on who they hang out with, what time they should get home, how they should do things, what they wear, etc? I have a friend who openly declares his preference for older women. He was over at my place before we went clubbing the other day when I asked him for opinion on my ultra short dress. He said that there is no such thing as a dress that's too short. Or a cleavage that's too much. Bless him! Younger men really do know how to make a woman feel more beautiful!

5) Younger men makes women feel young
I still like clubbing, extreme sports, spontaneous travel, dancing in the rain, staying up all night, etc. Every now and then, I like to wreck some havoc. But older men are just too conservative, too proper, and most of all, too tired. Yes, they've been there, done that -- last decade. But I haven't! Why don't you have some fun with me too? In that aspect, younger men live life on the edge, seek fun in everything they do, and love with everything they have. And that is why women feel younger when they hang out with their younger boyfriends! Feel young, look young! Now beat that, SKII!

6) Less baggage
The last thing I need is to be a step-mom. Or dealing with a psychotic ex-girlfriend. Or those so-cliched emotional baggage. It's hard enough being a women. Let me be the only one in your life. Older men are often too jaded, too hard-heartened, too unwilling to love totally again. Well, girls, stop wasting time with such men. Find a fresh young thing and be the one that breaks his heart if you have to. But chances are you'll be in for treat for being his first love!

7) Sexually Compatible
A man's sexual peak is in his 20s and a woman in her 30s. This cougar-match will ensure equal bedroom desires. Also younger men are eager to show their older girlfriends they know what they are doing in bed. So they are eager to satisfy their women. Finally a man who puts our desires before theirs! God bless our younger men!

8) Stamina
Need I say more? 'nuff said. Yum!

I am neither advocating cougarism, or discouraging it. I applaud my cougar girlfriends, and totally respect my guy friends who prefers MLIF.

Hello, Zac Efron! Hello, Chace Crawford. How do you not be a cougar with these hot young bods perfect with those puppy eyes tempting you?

How To Make New Friends

Whoever laments that it is difficult to make new friends at our twirty-something age, I'd just like to retort that it is not. It is easier than asking your boss for a promotion, it is not as hard as waking up at six in the morning, and it take more skills to scrub your bathtub when you have perfectly manicured nails than to make new friends.

Just be out there! Be open to going to a concert with your friend's friend's friends, or taking up tennis class with your cousin's colleagues, or meeting up for drinks with your sister's boyfriend's friends. Be open to invitations, and just have fun! When you simply throw yourselves out there and expect nothing but a fun time for yourself, you will attract happy people into your life. You will make new friends along the way -- without even trying.

It has been just over a week since I arrive home and even without planning, an array of activities has been lined up for me. Last week, a girl friend invited me to wakeboard with her boyfriend. I went along even though I haven't done it in years. Afterall, it'd just be a few good laughs should I submarine-d instead of ride the waves. Her boyfriend brought a friend along and after sharing a few (lame) jokes during the boat ride, we were camera-whoring like old friends do.

Last Saturday, my best friend's colleague celebrated her birthday at one of the most popular club in town. My best friend invited me to hang out with her Engineering department colleagues. Despite initial suspicion it would be an uneventful evening, her colleagues turned out to be dancing kings/queens. They were welcoming and chatty, and I learnt more than a few internal jokes and scandals.

Another friend invited me to a gig last night. It was a new album launch gig by a local band of which one of the member is his friend. I know neither the band nor the friend. I have never even attended a gig before! But it didn't take me long to agree to go. Always say yes, if you can, someone once told me. You never know what opportunities life holds for you. And indeed, I met three amazing girls at the gig. They were my friend's university friends. Upon seeing I was left alone at the bar when my friend went for a smoke outside, they invited me to join them at their table. I did, and they made special effort to include me in their conversations. We laughed, goss-ed, drank, and promised to stay in touch when the evening ended.

Throw yourself out there to allow life to open up doors for you. Have a soda the pub with your colleagues even if you don't drink. Have a go at the Pilates class which your best friend has been inviting you to try. Movie night with your friend's poker friends? Why not? You'll be surprise how easy it is to meet new people, and how many folks out there are open to making new friends just like you are.

Remember that everyone is just as uncertain about making new friends too. I am not one that advises people to "just be yourself". (I'll stay in bed all day if I'll just be myself!) You need to push yourself just a little more. My best advice: Be a little more chatty when you meet new friends. Don't just speak only when asked. Do the asking too. Then listen and respond. Everyone likes to talk to someone who seems interested. (And interesting!) Be that someone. It's that easy to make new friends.

I'm loving my new friendships, the excitement of joining new activities, the prospect of knowing there's a world of friends-who-don't-know-one-another-yet.

Yoga

I went for my very first Yoga class yesterday evening. It was easier than I had expected. Love the Tree pose, Lotus pose, and all the exotic names the instructor used. Hell, I even like just saying "I just came from Yoga". (In fact I did. Bump into a friend on my way home and told him that. Like the sound of it.)

My limbs are aching so much today. The Yoga poses really stretch your muscles. I had worked muscles I never knew existed! The leg lifts were really difficult for me and my whole body was quivering with exhaustion just holding that pose for 20seconds. But when I feel the achy feeling in my abdomen, my back muscles, my upper arms and my calves and thighs, I knew I had a good workout yesterday.

For someone who hasn't exercised for the last two years, signing up for Yoga class is a major milestone for me. Why did I decide to break my exercise fast? Age. And health. As we get older, exercise is more important than you imagine. Oh well, you won't understand that until you realise you recover slower from an illness than five years ago, your paper cut takes days instead of hours to heal, your giggly tummy takes weeks to disappear even though they used to flatten after two days of dieting.

Also, I've been having a persistent upper backache for the last 10 years. Yes, a decade. It's time to do something about it. I'm confident the stretching poses in Yoga will help.

And every lifestyle queen needs tone arms and flat stomach to pull off those Cavallis and McQueens. Not to mention the healthy glowing skin after you work up a sweat. What better way to achieve them than some chi chi Yoga class?

I'm going to Yoga tomorrow. (I really like the sound of it.)