The One Who Got Away

Remember the one who got away?

The one whose smell still lingers in your faint memory, the one who makes you break into girly blushes every time you see him walking towards you, the one whom you wait all day by the phone for, the one who is always perfect in your eyes, the one whom you finally open your heart and love unconditionally.

Things don't always work out the way we wish. Sometimes it is a matter of meeting each other at the wrong time in your lives. Sometimes it is a unresolved misunderstanding. Sometimes it is circumstances in your lives that you do not have control over. Whatever the cause, the end came too soon. The pain is crushing, and you wonder if you ever recover from it.

But we all do. We all get over it someday. Time is the healer of all things, most things.

Then you fall in love again - with someone even better. He treats you exactly the way you always wished to be treated, he surprises you gifts and possesses a charming personality. All your friends and family loves him. But most of you, he adores you.

But you know you will never love like you did before. Your heart is not whole anymore. At the back of your mind, you wonder if you will ever have the capacity to love completely again? Will you ever have the courage to love recklessly like a teenager again?

Your heart is wary and weary.

You will always remember the one who got away. The one who comes to mind when you try to remember how love feels like. The one who taught you everything about love and pain. The one to whom you measure everyone who came after him.

The one who got away... got away. It is hard not to think about the what-ifs. You try your best to lock the bittersweet memories away. But one song, one smell, one word, one scene, can send you awash with the memories again. It is hard. It will be always hard from this point forth. But you just learn to live with the dull pain in your heart when you remember the past. You just try to lock up the memories again and go on.

"Sometimes it last in love

But sometimes it hurts instead"

- Someone Like You (by Adele)

p.s. This is a backdated entry that has been sitting in my Draft. Decided to publish it afterall. 

Men Of Few Words

Do you believe in the crap research that women speaks more words than men on a daily basis? I've just Googled the statistics and found two things. Firstly, the "researched" figures are random. Some articles that claim that word usage ratio between the genders is 15,000:25,000. But I've read others that say it is only 2,000:7,000. I've even read results that identify no real significant difference between the genders at all! So what is the real ratio for the number of words spoken by each gender? Secondly, where is the supporting evidence? No reliable statistics could be sourced -- all have claimed to have counted the number of words from their sample population but no actual supporting evidence found anywhere.

So, do men really use less words than women? I'd say yes. Women can behave like best of friends even if they only met for the first time! How? They find a common topic to chat about! Whereas for men, they can have beer all night at a pub without more than a few backslap and a some friendly "Cheers!".

But how about in a relationship? Do you find endless things to talk to your partner about? Or do you find yourself running out of conversation topics if you have spoken for more than a certain period of time? I'd like to think that there would be a world of things to be discussed, to raise opinions to, to laugh over. Because even the smallest event would be important enough to be shared, even the most mundane dailies would be cute, even the most boring topic could be an avenue to start a cheeky banter.

I do not subscribe to the belief that a comfortable silence between two persons is the best conversation ever. I'm with the school of thought that propagates how-would-I-know-unless-you-say-it-dammit! Can't blame a girl for feeling bored -- or worse, boring -- if the guy chooses to stick to his 2,000 words quota. Can't help it if one party doesn't read other non-verbal cues well. Can't force it if conversations don't flow, interests don't get piqued, things don't get said. Or heard.


So talk, boys! Expand your vocabulary beyond the regular "uh-huh..." and "really?". Ask what happened next, fake your enthusiasm, behave as if it was the best piece of news you've heard all day even if we were talking about tampon brands, or the injured kitty we saved, or the price of broccoli in the market.

Even if you are tired, or seriously running out of steam to pretend, don't stay silent. No, and looking lovingly at us does not help. Instead, tell us how much you miss us. Or how adorable we are. We'll may just be distracted enough to overlook the fact that you are just not quite interested in the on-going topic. And at least there won't be defening silence on the phone.

You know what they say. Men fall in love through their eyes, women their ears.

So whisper sweet nothings to me. Serenade me. Declare your love constantly. "Men of few words" is totally overrated.

Getting Over A Relationship

I just love Sex and the City (SATC. Acroymns are supposed to be cooler, I was told). I was having one of those boring Saturday evenings -- friends and myself are all recovering from the wild clubbing the previous evening, just for the record -- so I decided to watch a random episode of SATC. In this episode, Carrie just ended her relationship with Mr Big and was having a hard time with the break up. Her girl friends suggested various ways to get over him. Some wanted her to jump right back into the dating scene, others allowed her to grieve. And I quote Charlotte:

It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

I've heard this from my girl friends too. You know, whenever a sista breaks up, we'll take them out for a male-bashing session, dishing out wise advices from our Breakup 101 Manual... until one hits home with her. Uh-huh, the typical "You deserves someone better" or "Keep yourself busy". You know what I'm talking about. What do you think about Charlotte's mathematical solution to relationships? Half the relationship period to get over them?

I guess it's not so much of the exact time frame. But it allows you a period to grieve, to eat tubs of Ben & Jerry's guiltlessly, to have free access to anyone's shoulder to cry on, to use retail therapy as a valid clinical assistance to your condition. And you do know that once that period deadline is over, you'll have to try to recover, to move on, to get over it.

If it is any comfort, I've learnt lately that with each relationship passed, we learn more and more about ourselves. We learn what we want from our partner, and what we don't need. What we would tolerate, and what is non-negotiable. We become clear about what kind of relationship we desire. We do not try to change what the other person is so as to fit into our idea of the "perfect relationship". I have been guilty of doing that too! Through the many tears shed, I've (finally!) learnt the best approach is to know what factors truly matter in your relationship. If you can accept the shortcomings, go ahead and be in it. One must truly be able to accept those blotches. But if the flaw is as big as Sarah Jessica Parker's (now-removed) mole a plank in your eye, then leave it -- don't even attempt to change anyone to fit your world, I beg you. It never would.

Accept, if you can.
Leave, if you can't.

It can be that simple. It ought to be. And this time round, I'm keeping it that simple. I have finally figured it out. :)

Plenty Of Fishes

Conversation with my best friend, on the topic of "plenty of fishes in the sea".

ME: When you said "other fishes in the sea", you are referring to X, right?
BEST FRIEND: X is a great white SHARK! He is not a fish! Please!

My best friend always manage to crack me up! She's the best!