Flicker of Hope

Just a very very tiny flicker of hope in the universe of darkness. I saw just a very weak flame of hope in the depravity of this all. Dare I breathe relief into the world? Not yet. Do I have a strength to keep walking on? Perhaps just enough.

Keep watching that flame. Tiny hope in this dark silent world.

Worrying

This is easier said than done. And I'm incessantly worried about many things now. In a constant tensed state of being and loathing this feeling.

Why is it that when you need to pray the most that you find it hard to focus? God help me.

Wheel of Fortune

I know I must have drawn the Wheel of Fortune card from the deck of Life. The Wheel is turning, and there is no stopping.

I feel it ever so subtly. And I see signs of it everywhere lately. I'm watching the mysterious hand of Destiny move before my own eyes.

Turn Fortune, turn! Spin Wheel, spin! I'm excited about the changes that awaits me.

Hopelessly Hopeful

I found a carefully laminated note on which I had printed some beautiful words many years ago. There is just something so hopelessly hopeful, or hopefully hopeless about this note. It struck a chord within me many years when I first read it. Yesterday, a decade later, the slightly-yellowish note still make me cry a little when I read it.

I never knew the title of this note. I couldn't find one when I google it (there was a grand total of 4 results when I searched!). I name it, Hopelessly Hopeful.

And this note is for myself. I need it. I need to know... that it is okay. I will be okay.

You say that your sky has been changing lately.
That you're tired and broken.
That the answers you thought you'd found don't seem to work anymore.

We've been down these sad roads a hundred times before,
sat quietly on lonely hillsides,
cried with forgotten songs on the radio.

Always it was our belief in other days that got us through.

I remember planting dreams with you,
chasing wishes and watching flowers.
But what I remember best is how you always made me laugh,
even when the world around us was falling apart.

All these years walking the solitary paths where I
found and lost myself a thousand times,
I never felt alone because you were in my memory.
You were there.
And I will always stand by you.

Go outside now
and walk away.
Find one of these roads again somewhere,
in the quiet shade of gentle trees.
Take this note and hug your shadow
and love yourself
and remember these things:

There is nothing in the world worth giving up
what you've already achieved.
You will always be a fighter and a dreamer.
Now more than ever,
you've got to look deep within your heart and
believe.

Hope: Drug or Remedy

Was watching a re-run of Sex and the City yesterday. One can never get enough of this show! No matter what age group you belong to, no matter how many times you've watched the show, no matter which stage in life or what emotional state you are watching the show at, you'll always relate to one part of the show or other. You'll always find a "that's me!"-moment. You'll also be thankful there are millions and millions of women out there struggling with the same issues you've been so tortured with, and that your problem is not unique. And there are solutions to it. Even if there are none, take heart in knowing that some of us do really understand you. (Alright, unless you are a man.)

In the episode last night, Carrie Bradshaw asked this question:
Is hope a drug we need to go off of or is it keeping us alive?

This questiong has been going through my mind all day. Why do women torture ourselves with aching hopes, and then get ourselves crushed when hope drops us from the high? Are you not strong enough to go off the drug of hope, and rather be addicted to hope and risk your heart out there over and over again?

Or is hope the elixir of life that puts that dance in your step each day, making you more alive whenever you remember how all the risks and optimism may someday reap a good harvest? In the book of Corinthians in the bible, it says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love." It is certainly a very important essence in life. What's a life if you can't/wont' even believe in hope anymore?

Is hope a drug we need to go off of or is it keeping us alive?