Passion

I have a problem with mediocrity.
I have a problem with people who settle -- people who choose the safe, unadventurous, don't-ask-don't-know way of life. I have a problem with people who don't challenge their limits, who don't get out of their comfort zone, who settle for a mediocre lives. We have only ONE shot in life. Just one. So why don't do you something good with it? Within or beyond your capability, achieve something good that you can be proud of, leave a legacy, proved you have lived a good life.

I can't settle of ordariness. I can't be just-another-one-out-there. I can't do anything that does not bring me joy. In fact, I say I function on fun, on happiness, on passion, on love! Everything that I have done hitherto has made me happy. I have been passionate about everything I do.

In school, I love physics and mathematics. So I completed a Bachelor of Engineering degree, despite all the disbeliefs (yes, lots of it!) and hardwork that came with it. (But boy, it was really tough!) Then I decided that I love to travel. So I got me a job that pays me to travel.

So while most of my peers slogged away in their offices, caught in a intangible society-imposed rat race and wasting away the best years of our 20s, I was a happy traveller! Four good years of travelling and life experience! I saw a lot, learnt a lot, lived a lot. I was very very happy with life, very very in love with life, very very passionate about life.

Then I decided it was time to come home. I also knew that I wouldn't be happy being stuck in front of a computer 8 hours a day, exchanging my time for cash at the end of the month. I knew I wanted more. I wanted to challenge my threshold, my goals, my capability. So here I am, working for myself -- setting long and short term goals for myself, motivating my entrepreneurial soul, trudging forward slowly but surely. Some days I do feel beaten too. But when I think about being another souless person who-hates-her-job-but-must-do-it, I'm glad I dare to do the things I do. I dare to be different, be myself, be happy and passionate.

And I am happy. I have been happy with every decision I made in life. If I had to choose life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm serious. So pardon me if I despise people who have no passion in life. I have no tolerance for people who are "happy" just getting by. I hate boring people who don't do anything exciting in their lives. (Or on weekends. And weekdays. Oh heck, everyday!) I thrive on passion, on fun, on love, on happiness. How about you?

Are you happy to just get by? Are you a "one of them"? When you examine your life, have you done well? Have you been happy, passionate, lived well? Are you still hungry for life everyday?

We pass this life only once. One life, live it.

What is your passion in life?

Getting Over A Relationship

I just love Sex and the City (SATC. Acroymns are supposed to be cooler, I was told). I was having one of those boring Saturday evenings -- friends and myself are all recovering from the wild clubbing the previous evening, just for the record -- so I decided to watch a random episode of SATC. In this episode, Carrie just ended her relationship with Mr Big and was having a hard time with the break up. Her girl friends suggested various ways to get over him. Some wanted her to jump right back into the dating scene, others allowed her to grieve. And I quote Charlotte:

It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.

I've heard this from my girl friends too. You know, whenever a sista breaks up, we'll take them out for a male-bashing session, dishing out wise advices from our Breakup 101 Manual... until one hits home with her. Uh-huh, the typical "You deserves someone better" or "Keep yourself busy". You know what I'm talking about. What do you think about Charlotte's mathematical solution to relationships? Half the relationship period to get over them?

I guess it's not so much of the exact time frame. But it allows you a period to grieve, to eat tubs of Ben & Jerry's guiltlessly, to have free access to anyone's shoulder to cry on, to use retail therapy as a valid clinical assistance to your condition. And you do know that once that period deadline is over, you'll have to try to recover, to move on, to get over it.

If it is any comfort, I've learnt lately that with each relationship passed, we learn more and more about ourselves. We learn what we want from our partner, and what we don't need. What we would tolerate, and what is non-negotiable. We become clear about what kind of relationship we desire. We do not try to change what the other person is so as to fit into our idea of the "perfect relationship". I have been guilty of doing that too! Through the many tears shed, I've (finally!) learnt the best approach is to know what factors truly matter in your relationship. If you can accept the shortcomings, go ahead and be in it. One must truly be able to accept those blotches. But if the flaw is as big as Sarah Jessica Parker's (now-removed) mole a plank in your eye, then leave it -- don't even attempt to change anyone to fit your world, I beg you. It never would.

Accept, if you can.
Leave, if you can't.

It can be that simple. It ought to be. And this time round, I'm keeping it that simple. I have finally figured it out. :)

Plenty Of Fishes

Conversation with my best friend, on the topic of "plenty of fishes in the sea".

ME: When you said "other fishes in the sea", you are referring to X, right?
BEST FRIEND: X is a great white SHARK! He is not a fish! Please!

My best friend always manage to crack me up! She's the best!

And I Love You So

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand
How lonely life
has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I
know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't
set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're
around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do
The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
That is my belief

And yes I know how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I fell in love. With Harry Connick Jr's latest album Your Songs. I fell even deeper in love with his rendition of And I Love You So. What an album! I only knew him as an actor, but boy his muscial talent far surpasses his acting skills. You have to get this album because all the songs in this album is perfect for any time of the day! You'll fall in love with his deep soulful voice too!

I'm not one of those girls who dream about their wedding day since they were 12, or "already know" what their future wedding dress looks like. I've never understood why this day is known as "the big day" of one's life (it's could very well be "the end of the good days" too! :P). I've never fantasize about the man standing at the end of the aisle, or wish I'm a Mrs-something soon. I'm just not that kinda girl.

But when I heard And I Love You So, I literally saw a first dance - in my mind! Yep, that wedding first dance. (Disclaimer: Not my wedding dance. Just "a" wedding first dance.) Every single time I hear it, that first dance image would play in my mind -- again and again. It's a strange feeling. It's all dreamy and sweet.
In this vision, everyone else disappears.
Dark background.
Flowers and sash drape a white canopy.
A newly-wedded couple dances in the middle.
Sharp black suit for groom.
The bride adorned in a cream satin gown, with intricate design of beads and pearls.
They are moving slowly, cheek-to-cheek. In love and in tuned with each other's paces. I don't see their faces but joy overflows them. The brides smiles with blush radiance, the groom holds her close to his heart... treasuredly. Love and happiness is evident and overwhelming. What a vision!

Besides And I Love You So, I have only ever remotely thought about another song as (my?) ideal wedding songs. Officially Yours by Craig David. I know, it's an entirely different genre song. But its speaks to me, every time I hear it too! Sing to me, baby, and I'm yours!

I'm officially going on the record
To say I'm in love with you
I'm officially everything you hope that I would be
This time I'll tell the truth

So there you go, Miss Say's wedding songs review. Now, let me go find the Husband. ;)

'That's Her'

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you....
The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'

This just took my breath away when I read it!

A sweet kiss on the forehead is the most endearing thing in the world! I love it! I always feel loved, protected, treasured.

'That's her', that's just impossibly incredibly sweet! Do boys like that even exist? Oh love, oh love, you are so complex as you are essential! I love to love. I love love.

Waking Up To These

Waking up to these.

I know I said this before but I'd just like to say it again. I love flowers. When I opened my eyes this morning, the scarlet roses were the first things I saw. I could get used to waking up this way! Any woman could. Bliss.

Rotten Apple

There are some days which you know are not your day. Everything goes wrong, you wake up feeling grumpy, even the most trivial normal things you see everyday can and will made you mad. Well, today is one of those days. Heck the whole week has been one of those weeks! Nothing is working out alright, delays in my work project, pimple threatening to pop, waiting in queue for half an hour at some service centre just to be told they can't retrieve my file, new laptop not working, rude technical support personals, making purchases and then immediately regretting it, etc. Yes, you get the picture. This is one of those weeks.

I have been counting down to the minute my new Apple MacBook Pro gets delivered this week. Yesterday I even postponed my appointment just to wait for the DHL man. When the lappy arrives, I took pictures of the unboxing process and held my nervous breath in anticipation as the Mac laptop sprung to life instantly with colours and sounds! What a joy to finally feel the weight of it in my hands.

But alas, Apple failed me faster than I could say Microsoft. The browser refuses to load the internet pages properly, and that led to a few hours of troubleshooting among several Mac users and I. By the time the third person told me to try this or click that, I was already ready to repent from turning my back on Windows!

This morning was even worse. I spent more than three hours on the phone with AppleCare, who then pushed the problem to my router technical support, who then threw me back to AppleCare, who then compelled me to make the router guys change the radio channels, who then shoved me back to AppleCare after insisting they can't do a thing more, who then transferred me to Apple Sales department eventually. On top of that, I have little patience with speaking to foreign-accented technical support personals who didn't understand what I was saying . And I was done with my so-called Apple experience.

I'm sending my MacBook Pro back. Tonight.

I'm giving them Apple one last chance to redeem themselves by sending me a working machine. The next option would be a full refund and a blog-ful of angry anti-Apple ferocity! Till then, I'll be playing with my other new toy, BlackBerry. I don't know why it took me this long to get a BlackBerry. I always thought I would say this about Apple too.

Boo you, Apple.

Choose Happiness

2010. It's gonna be good year. I feel it. Bye bye, turbulent 2009. I had enough of sadness. This year, it will be Choose Happiness year! Just watch me, I'm gonna have fun, embrace happiness, reach the pinnacle of life!

I choose happiness.

Watched (500) Days of Summer this afternoon. It was highly recommended by a friend. And I say the same to you now. Watch it! It's good, it's surprisingly good! I didn't quite know what to expect from the movie when I watched it. But it struck a chord with me -- in so many scenes in the movie! The uncertainty in love, the blind belief in fate, the unsuspecting turn of events, the pains and despair life brings. I love love love this movie!

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

This is my favourite scene in the movie. I woke up the other day, and I knew. I knew I was done with the dark period of my life. I'm choosing happiness. Now.


p.s. Believe me when I say I woke up hearing birds chirping and butterflies fluttering around make-believe daisies in my mind that morning! It's good to wake up happy, everyday.

Hopelessly Hopeful

I found a carefully laminated note on which I had printed some beautiful words many years ago. There is just something so hopelessly hopeful, or hopefully hopeless about this note. It struck a chord within me many years when I first read it. Yesterday, a decade later, the slightly-yellowish note still make me cry a little when I read it.

I never knew the title of this note. I couldn't find one when I google it (there was a grand total of 4 results when I searched!). I name it, Hopelessly Hopeful.

And this note is for myself. I need it. I need to know... that it is okay. I will be okay.

You say that your sky has been changing lately.
That you're tired and broken.
That the answers you thought you'd found don't seem to work anymore.

We've been down these sad roads a hundred times before,
sat quietly on lonely hillsides,
cried with forgotten songs on the radio.

Always it was our belief in other days that got us through.

I remember planting dreams with you,
chasing wishes and watching flowers.
But what I remember best is how you always made me laugh,
even when the world around us was falling apart.

All these years walking the solitary paths where I
found and lost myself a thousand times,
I never felt alone because you were in my memory.
You were there.
And I will always stand by you.

Go outside now
and walk away.
Find one of these roads again somewhere,
in the quiet shade of gentle trees.
Take this note and hug your shadow
and love yourself
and remember these things:

There is nothing in the world worth giving up
what you've already achieved.
You will always be a fighter and a dreamer.
Now more than ever,
you've got to look deep within your heart and
believe.

45 Life Lessons

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.