45 Life Lessons

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Cougarism

There I said it.

Indeed, cougarism is the word these days. Older women with younger men, there's just a shady excitement to it like eating a forbidden fruit, an unspoken naughtiness that such combination exudes, an illicit discovery we crave to learn more about!

Yes, Demi Moore has done it. So has Madonna. And Mariah Carey. And Jennifer Aniston, and Drew Barrymore, and Kim Cattrall, Cher, Elizabeth Taylor, etc. Cougar is an urban term given to a woman who pursues much younger men. Wikipedia goes as far as specifying a cougar as a woman who sexually pursues men who are at least eight years her junior. Wow, strong words. But what used to be a social taboo and since been glorified by Hollywood -- well then again, doesn't everything get popularised this way these days? Yesteryear's restrains have since turned into victorious conquests and for some women! Hallelujah!

I definitely see this cougar trend growing among my friends. There's always a certain inner-circle cheeky smile that lights up their faces when I get them to talk about their relationship with their younger men. It's hard to pinpoint what it really is but it's like they know something we don't. As if one has to be initiated into the Cougar Club before she can learn the secret thrill of such relationship. It's intriguing, it's alluring, it's tempestuous! Here are a few things they've shared about their cougar relationship.

1) Eager to please
Younger men are eager to please their older girlfriends. They show more attention to the women. Whatever the younger men lack in financial sense, they make up for it by showering the women with special sweet surprises and aplenty attention to their every detail in life. I have to agree with this because older men then to believe they can buy their way into the women's world. And that whatever we need, they can satisfy by buying for us. Well, sometimes what women really need is just attention. Undivided attention from their all-so-important career, or golf/poker nights/beers. With younger men, their older girlfriends are always their priority in life. And most of the time, that's all a girl needs.

2) More respectful
Like shadow that comes with light, older men have inflated egos that comes their age and knowledge. With younger men, they acknowledge that their older girlfriends may be more worldly and thus tend to be more respectful to their opinions, ideas and perspectives. Younger men look up to older women, and shower them with the respect they deserve! For women, it's tiring, not to mention boring, dealing with older pompous men all the time. R.E.S.P.E.C.T, guys. You'll win if you can do that more.

3) Younger, Hotter, please
Like this t-shirt that says "Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway." That's right! Like men who always prefer younger, hotter girls, women also prefer young hot bods over saggy belly and balding head too. Younger men dresses well, put in effort with their hair, hygiene, skincare, lifestyle, etc. Older men unfortunately mistakenly think that tough and rough is sexy. And that unshaven and unkempt reveals their manliness. I'm just gonna say it once: NO, IT IS NOT. Gimme a metrosexual guy, I'll show you what is sexy.

4) I already have a father
I don't need another father figure in my life, thankyouverymuch. There is a difference between feeling secure with a man and feeling paternal with a man. We are confident, accomplished women who knows what we want in life. We don't need our older boyfriends to judge us, set rules for our lives, or restrict my lifestyle. Pussycat Dolls's song Hush Hush says it well:

I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs

I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spend
I never ask for help
I take care of myself

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say

Why is that that only older men judge their girlfriends on who they hang out with, what time they should get home, how they should do things, what they wear, etc? I have a friend who openly declares his preference for older women. He was over at my place before we went clubbing the other day when I asked him for opinion on my ultra short dress. He said that there is no such thing as a dress that's too short. Or a cleavage that's too much. Bless him! Younger men really do know how to make a woman feel more beautiful!

5) Younger men makes women feel young
I still like clubbing, extreme sports, spontaneous travel, dancing in the rain, staying up all night, etc. Every now and then, I like to wreck some havoc. But older men are just too conservative, too proper, and most of all, too tired. Yes, they've been there, done that -- last decade. But I haven't! Why don't you have some fun with me too? In that aspect, younger men live life on the edge, seek fun in everything they do, and love with everything they have. And that is why women feel younger when they hang out with their younger boyfriends! Feel young, look young! Now beat that, SKII!

6) Less baggage
The last thing I need is to be a step-mom. Or dealing with a psychotic ex-girlfriend. Or those so-cliched emotional baggage. It's hard enough being a women. Let me be the only one in your life. Older men are often too jaded, too hard-heartened, too unwilling to love totally again. Well, girls, stop wasting time with such men. Find a fresh young thing and be the one that breaks his heart if you have to. But chances are you'll be in for treat for being his first love!

7) Sexually Compatible
A man's sexual peak is in his 20s and a woman in her 30s. This cougar-match will ensure equal bedroom desires. Also younger men are eager to show their older girlfriends they know what they are doing in bed. So they are eager to satisfy their women. Finally a man who puts our desires before theirs! God bless our younger men!

8) Stamina
Need I say more? 'nuff said. Yum!

I am neither advocating cougarism, or discouraging it. I applaud my cougar girlfriends, and totally respect my guy friends who prefers MLIF.

Hello, Zac Efron! Hello, Chace Crawford. How do you not be a cougar with these hot young bods perfect with those puppy eyes tempting you?

Mid-Week Partying

Mid-week partying is not for the faint-hearted. It is only suitable for the young ones. Or for those who don't have to go to work the next day. Luckily I fall into the second category. (Well, even the first too!)

So I was out at a club last night. On a Wednesday. Till 4am. It was helluva party nonetheless! Brought back lotsa memories of the days when I was clubbing till 4am and waking up at 7 to go to school. How did I ever do that? Ah, it's good to be young and full of energy. And sleep was definitely not a priority then.

I attempted to get out of bed -- four times. No wait, was it three? Or five? I lost count because I was basically climbing in and out of bed all day today. Woke up at 10 to have a quick breakfast which ended up in a struggle between swallowing the food and trying not to puke last night's alcohol. My head was spinning and my ears were ringing. So I decided that I needed the bed again. I laboured agonisingly to get out of bed several times after to get some work done, but to little success. I decided that today will be useless trying to be productive. I'm just too hungover.

Oh but how I miss mid-week partying! Lotsa fun memories of those carefree school days and brash youthfulness. At that age, going clubbing was a religion as it was cool "to see and to be seen" mixing with the popular crowd. A great night out meant getting wasted. Turning up at the school assembly the next morning with bloodshot eyes and reciting the national Pledge with alcohol breath meant you had partied hard.

But these days, clubbing is more of a personal choice than a social pressure. I enjoy letting my hair down with a few moves on the dance floor. I like getting excited about what to wear for the evening and getting my hair done for the party. I love indulging in the girly gossips with my sistas at the bar, or throwing flirty glances at yummilicious strangers across the room. Being a fun drunk, a few drinks always kick the party to a new high! (Now kids if you are reading this, if you drink, don't drive.)

If you are one of those "I'm happily married/in love, I don't need to club anymore"-couple, I don't even wanna begin telling you what you are missing out. If you club just to hook up sweet young things, this entry is not for you. *coughshamelesscough* If you party just to get drunk, here's one word for you -- sad. But if you club because you enjoy a good night out shaking your tushy on the dance floor, indulging in the great company of like-minded pals, getting high on life, you are one who brings the party with you wherever you go! You celebrate life! And you live it up! (Send in your application here to be my partying mate!)

Now I have to go nurse my hangover.

Mediterranean

I'm sitting here on the balcony of my room in a five-star hotel, on a beautiful Mediterranean island in the perfect heat of summer time. The air is salty but cool. Each breath I take is light and refreshing. The warm sunshine beats down on my fresh golden tan skin. I look out at the cloudless sky, the blue and white stripes sundecks spotting all the balconies, I hear the carefree laughter of the kids playing in the swimming pool nearby, and the giggles of the teenagers too. I feel a strange sense tranquillity overruns me.

I know days like that will never come again.

Close my eyes, take a deep breath of the sea air. Forgetting yesterday's mistakes and tomorrow's worries, summer times and the privilege of youth never felt better than now. Now. This special moment. I. Am. Satisfied.

And for all the grumbles I have about this business of travelling alone, I feel like now is Paradise. This is what it means to be living! This will never come again! This life, this perfect moment of serenity in this splendid little Mediterranean island. This moment will last forever in my mind. For the rest of my life.

That's the lure of the Mediterranean. Summer days never end. Youth lasts forever.