My Facebook photo albums are filled with partying pictures, my weekends are packed with outdoor activities and drinks sessions, my everyday life is a series of exciting projects and making new interesting friends along the way. Press the PAUSE button here. And rewrite the above as if I were married. My Facebook photo albums will be filled with my kids pictures (heck, even the profile picture will be some parenthood propaganda-worthy photo!), my weekends will be packed with cuddle-ups and DVDs, my everyday life will be work-home-dinner-sleep (repeat as often as necessary). *unpause*
When I was home last month, I encounter first-hand the vast difference in lifestyle of the singles and the married. The singles are living it up working hard and partying hard, travelling lots, packing every weekends with tennis/wakeboarding/cycling/you-name-it, catching up with old friends and making new one too, looking fabulous and well-maintained. The married are staying away from public area, preferring to spend "quality time" at home, making a trip to the buffet line at a hotel restaurant THE highlight of the year, jiggling the excess stomach fats of your partner and feeling contented because only you see the real beauty in him/her, and attending other married couples' kids' birthday parties. Yawn, I'm bored just writing about that.
This is the great divide between the single and the married.
The singles dress up, paint their faces, lead a full and fun life day to night (and past that!). The married dresses down, go barefaced, lead a predictable exclusive-to-couple life day to 9pm. The single clubs, and the married snubs. The single loves life, the married loves family life. The singles hang out, the married back out -- of all social events unless necessary. Meeting for a drink means hanging out at a nice pub. Or does meeting for a drink means having a coffee at a cafe near home. You know which is for which.
I was out partying with my single girlfriend when I told her she was the few friends I've had since high school who still clubs. Because I'm still single, she replied. I recalled the previous weekend when I had another gathering with some ex-classmates. They were all either married or lugging a kid around to the meet-up. By 8pm, they flashed the "Junior needs to sleep"-card or "My husband doesn't like me staying out late"-card. Does married life translates to no clubbing, no staying out late, no activities on weekends, no heels or lipsticks, no fun social life? And why do the married view the single as... well for the lack of better words, failure? Before you protest, let me explain.
The married is always eager to hook up their single friends with another wonderful friend (who often turns out to be fugly, balding and smells. And non-existential EQ). The married scoffs at the clubbing scene, despising friendships made at such places. The married sees weekend activities as a dread with no special agenda other than to stay in. But this is the ultimate: The married believe they have made it. And everyone else who is not married have not.
It is no wonder the singles stop asking the married friends out. Because it's most often 1+1 (even if it's a girls' night out!). Also if the singles were to meet their married friends, they have to forgo pretty frocks and lovely locks. They have to dress down because the married can't fit into their summer dresses anymore and doesn't have anything else to bunch up their hair other than an old faded scrunchie. The singles want to talk about their exciting holiday trips, while the married want to discuss breast pumps and diapers.
Neither want to hang out with the other for the lack of common topic of interest. Neither can integrate their lives with the other without some snobbishness in believing they have the better live.
I've seen too many real-life example of uninspired cuddle-up weekends of married couples. I've heard too much self-glorification in the "kind" advices of married couples. I've picked up the "I've made it"-signals from the married friends. (Do you also sense the "I won't ever notice, much less marry your husband even if you pay me a million bucks and he's the last man on earth"-signal from me?)
I won't say which side of The Great Divide is better. But...
I'm young and has the world under my feet. I have lots to offer and lots to take from it. I am just starting to ride the crest of life. I crave the high of meeting someone gorgeous and knowing it could lead to something more. I don't do cuddle-up weekends. I don't like sharing my bed. I'm taking life by its neck and I need both arms -- can't spare one in somebody's arm. I like options. I prefer deciding for "me" than for "us". I enjoy fancy dinner dates, the rush of that first kiss, the lingering goodbyes at the end of the day. I like to be on this side of the Divide. I have the rest of my life for the other side. Why hurry to start now?Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
- Single (Natasha Bedingfield)
